We will be convening here at the ZigZag café, Suisse, on Thursdays for conversation and dialogue.
I invite you to stop by every Thursday for the question of the day. Your thoughts and participation are most welcome. Pull up a stool, avec un café, un thé, ou un chocolat chaud, et un croissant, and join in here on Thursday at the ZZ café.
For today:
Why does so much shaming go on in evangelical churches?
12 comments:
Hey Greg,
You've been talking about "shaming" a lot on here over the past few weeks. Could you provide us with your definition of "shaming?"
I think it's part of a larger picture. I've noticed that the further to the right adherents to a religious tradition are, the less tolerance there is of diverging points of view.
It may relate to a high need for certainty among people drawn to this end of the spectrum. When the certitude of being absolutely right, and knowing it, is a major feature in helping one cope with life, any questioning of the Known Truth is bound to be highly threatening.
From this perspective, truth isn't a process of coming nearer but never getting there fully in life as we know it; rather, it's MY church's specific and exact interpretation of scripture. I have The Truth right here in black and white, it's what I live by, and if you question it, that's just intolerable...
that is such a great question!
I think we live in a shame based culture - and especially the Christian culture. I think we have this idea that if we shame ourselves that will change our behavior for the better, but instead it just perpetuates the cycle.
John,
Good question. I'd say "shaming" would be pretty broad - from spiritual abuse - using supposedly spiritual things to lay stuff on people that Christ has dealt with -to subtle remarks about one's worth that enhances diminishing it for one's own purpose. And many other things that people do to make people experience shame when that's entirely inappropriate.
Paul,
Thanks for the comment and helpful insights. Welcome to Living Spirituality.
Dogmaticism frequently uses shaming to control and manipulate people. And all for the sake of Truth. Something very wrong with this whole picture.
Joylene,
Great comment. Welcome to Living Spirituality.
I agree. How do you think we can work towards breaking that cycle?
Greg,
Thanks for the feedback. I agree. I've also heard it defined as a false sense of guilt. Aka feeling bad for something you should not feel bad about. Actually, I think I read that in Tired of Trying To Measure Up.
I think we have a shame-based evangelical culture (not totally, but to a great extent) because many people do not fully grasp the Gospel, and the fact that Christ died to save AND redeem us. We no longer have to work (though we don't have a free license to sin) for our salvation.
Also, I think your definition as "...subtle remarks about one's worth that enhances diminishing it for one's own purpose." is very key. I think this comes from not understanding your own place before God now that you are in Christ (if you are the shamer).
Basically I think we, as a Christian culture, need to understand the full extent of the Gospel, from creation all the way to redemption, and the implications that has for life. We can't just focus on Matthew-John, and some of Romans, and then Galatians-Colossians. We need the whole spectrum.
Thanks John for your helpful perspective.
Hey Greg,
What are your thoughts on this, from your talks with students and such? Where has this culture of shaming come from, and how do we reverse it?
John,
Thanks for your questions. I think part of this shaming culture stems from control issues. Parents want to control children and they consciously or unconsciously, resort to shaming as a strategy to accomplish this. Same type of scenario exists in pastors and teachers in many Christian contexts. These folk think that control, in some convoluted way, gives them security. I suppose underneath this is the key problematic of relating - how and why people relate to God, themselves and others the way they do.
Reversing these impoverished ways of relating comes through a renewed understanding of and being alive to redemption, and what spiritual life is all about. When this begins to happen there is a releasing from the bondage of control and other types of issues that produce shaming as a way of relating.
So we, like I suggested, have to first realize it in our own lives and then live it out. Then we must encourage others to do the same. But we must also remember that this will most likely be a very hard, painfully slow, and most likely very sacrificial process. But I do have hope that we can begin to make a difference. May God give us the strength to do so!
John,
I'm convinced that with God's help we can make a difference. Redemption, when rooted in us, will be taken by the Spirit and spread like a slow burning flame that fans into a blaze.
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